Ever noticed an infant resisting anyone?
Yes, there could be people who are not willing to cuddle or pick this infant in their arms. This could be either due to their own discriminating ideas and beliefs of caste and creed, or could be some inherent fears.
But, an infant child, irrespective of his parents and origin, is open to all.
This child is yet not contaminated by the ideas of the world, his/her mind is not clouded by the notions and beliefs of right or wrong, the child is free of discrimination stemming from distinctions. Thus, is genuinely accepting.
Let’s wonder if this child could grow up with all the requisite skills including essential life skills like comparing, distinguishing, segmenting… But, still stays untouched by, ‘discrimination’.
Most of us would already be hoping for it, but simultaneously trying to understand that why despite being this open person inherently, we occasionally end up discriminating…
This leads us to the quest to understand, why we end up discriminating? Why we have this resistance towards differences?
Are, our differences, of different attributes, different capabilities, different styles of functioning, different priorities, etc. actually hindrances?
What if we were all similar? If we would look alike, behave alike, talk alike, think alike, etc., would then we be more accepting of each other?
Well, that itself seems like a dreadful thought, with no variety and contrast to enjoy.
The fact is that each of us was born with a unique energy canvas. This energy canvas is clean sparkling white, with mirror like quality to absorb and create an image from the exposed environment. It is through this energy canvas that we seek to understand, operate and engage with the world around us. And the quality of images around us, form the basis of the images that get formed on our energy canvas.
The initial images that get absorb on this canvas of our being are the strongest and longest lasting. These images are provided by our immediate family; parents, siblings, etc. It is through them we form the basis of our ‘I’.
If these initial images on our canvas, are accepting of us, our inherent ‘I’, our energy field blossoms with acceptance and expands to be one with the ever accepting vibration of the Universe. However, if these images are preoccupied by the presumptions, beliefs and preoccupations, then we are left lonely, disconnected with our energetic field, fearful of this unknown power, which has detached our energetic field’s from the Universe.
We, especially the parents and teachers, think of ourselves as naturally and unconditionally accepting of our children. However, if we honestly do an introspection, we would not only see that we are highly conditional, but also that there are moments of natural acceptance but they don’t last long.
So, let’s explore ourselves for both, our acceptance and being unconditional.
In fact, for true acceptance of anyone including our children, partner, parents, friends, etc., we have to consciously and actively engage in the process of acceptance, each and every moment, on moment-to-moment basis.
And for being unconditional, we are only accepting of them as long as they are playing and dancing on our tune. Even a little shift or deviation from what we perceive as acceptable or “okay”, is enough to make us loose our balance.
As parents and teachers, we inherently like to control them and make them follow our way, some do it subtly, some not-so-subtly, but almost all of us do it. It’s not that we shall not be working on the social and behavioral skills of our children, including inducing discipline in them, but the acceptance referred here is prior to even the need of any social skills.
The acceptance here is the acceptance of ‘who they are’. However, it’s not about the child, it’s neither about the actual behavior of the child or the consequence of it, nor is about imposition and adherence of any rules by the child. This acceptance is about how we feel within ourselves when we relate to this child. It’s the acceptance of the core being of this child. Everything else, all the external manifestations come later, much later.
However, acceptance of another is easy said than done.
It takes a lot of continuous, genuine, and honest introspection, a lot of inner work. It requires one to, all the time, be reflective and self-questioning of own ideas and beliefs, and the behavior stemming out of these. It demands continuous abandonment of all these beliefs and ideas about how things should be, to be open and free flowing, to explore how the things actually are.
Acceptance of another, actually means Acceptance of one-self, by –
- Being connected with in to one’s inner most feelings;
- Being not in any conflict with these feelings and in absolute acceptance of these; and
- Being able to detach oneself from these, so as to not to infuse them in another.
Even though the last step is anyway crucial for the acceptance to be complete but it becomes all the more critical for our children, given their clean mirror like canvas ready to absorb and acquire.
This constant inner work allows us to witness the roots of our reactions. It allows us to see for ourselves our hidden desire for expansion and be ‘more’. The expansion and oneness which we are capable of but were curtailed by the impressions on our own canvas. It allows us to see the means in which this shredded but authentic inner ability is manifesting in us, it could be through need for more attention, more possessions, more gathering and acquiring, more recognition, more knowing, more knowledge,…. or more control on others.
When we see this complete picture of our self, from the uncluttered and impartial, aerial view, we cannot ignore to see, how despite all of our good intentions and aspirations for our children to be open minded and free of our impressions, we actuality are bypassing and conveying them the same impressions that we received in our childhood. How our actions project our desperate desires and fantasies, we had or still have for ourselves, which we may or may not have been able to fulfill. We come to see, how we despite wishing our children to follow their own spirits, but are making them follow us.
When we willingly go naked to this realization, then and only then, we begin to detach from this unconscious imposition of our desires and fantasies on our children. This detachment brings a space for our children to be their natural. This helps us to ease out and creates a harmonious fluidity, which brings true acceptance.
To sum it up, ‘Acceptance’ can be attributed as practicing conscious awareness meditation on a moment-to-moment basis. Regular and continuous inner observance of our reactions to our children, illuminates an awareness of how these reactions are fueled by our own perceptions about ourselves and our lives, and exposes us to the extent of our conditioning. It sounds paradoxical but is true,
‘Only conditioning ourselves for the continuous awareness of our inner-self can liberate us from our own conditioning, allowing unconditional acceptance’.